callous.

i think we have a pulse.

2007-11-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

and guess what?

i think i'm back.

no more saying goodbye anymore, eh guys? heh.

it's been a long while.

2006-03-11T00:57:00.001+08:00

try now to convince me otherwise
i'm sure i'm lost in your immaculate motion
yet i know your heart lies with the past
and i'm just the withered in the midst of a full bloom-

2006-01-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

it's just about two weeks into proper lessons already. another lifeless saturday.

vjc's been a blast. orientation was great i'd say. guess it's based on feeling this sense of familiarty, stepping into a supposedly distinctly new institution. i daresay it's allowed me to be much more outspoken than i already am, considering the people i know there. much of my confidence i attribute to the wonderful development my alma mater has given me.

and now it's proper school life with lessons and trainings and stuff. lectures haven't been interesting at all, to date. save maybe one or two, most lectures end up with me struggling to stay awake or writing away on notes and letters. tutorials bring a fresh change; thankfully my tutors are the quite entertaining to say the least. seems like i'll have to keep up with the syllabus quite closely. training's daily, so i don't get to see the light of day when i get to leave school. isn't that exhausting.

orientation group barbecue was on yesterday, though by the time i got there after training most of the food was gone. 'twas alright, i suppose. not the best of moods maybe? but well. a pleasant time nonetheless. i haven't had the luxury of watching the waves lap over in a while, listening to them crash ever so gently onto the soft, sandy beach. mitigates all sorts of bad feelings.

i hope i can cope with this. so far it's alright i guess. nothing much to worry about, till the second intake comes and the real work starts i guess. will just keep my fingers crossed then.

2005-12-31T10:20:00.000+08:00

so here we are now, at the end of a year. the last day of the year 2005.

this year on a whole has been a rather eventful one. it's one of those years you simply can't forget, down to the most irrelevant details of it all. it's one of those years that really mattered, in more ways than one no doubt. with all that has happened, i find it hard to accept that the year's almost gone.

secondary school education has been fun. in every way possible, to add to that. all that nonsense and havoc so characteristic of ourselves, nothing more i could ask for to brighten up and breathe life into our mundane, routine school lives. such is the spirit of our class, one that won't fade easily with time. hardly do you ever find a class where everyone's a star in his own right, where no one is segregated or left behind. rarely would you stumble upon one that has its students doing everything together; notwithstanding facing up to the harsh, caustic words of reprimand- camaraderie at its best.

typically it would be a joyous occasion today. the year's coming to an end in less than a day, and as the chic and chichi party crowd hits the streets to celebrate the dawn of a new year, i can't help feeling that something's amiss.

two years back it was, right in the youth hub of town at the cathay cineleisure complex. as it was, i was due to catch a night screening there with a charming friend of mine. the city streets were filled with the presence of life and the unmistakable festive spirit, as everyone prepared to count down the remaining seconds of what would be the old year, holding out arms wide open to welcome the new year. despite the crowd, i felt like i was in my own oasis of joy; an anomaly in reality, with only the both of us. and that was how it remained as the first hour of the new year crept up on us; pure, untainted euphoria. and that was it- enrapturement. throughout the entire duration spent together it was simply blissful jubilance.

i won't bore you with details, but those who know the story should know how everything fits in. suffice to say, much of that's not possible anymore; 'twould seem foolish to even think about it. and if my charming friend gets to read this, well, heaven forbid then. sincerest wishes for a happy new year to all then.

2005-12-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

I AM GOING NUTS.

but not many people watch this space so it's okay.

2005-11-30T18:38:00.000+08:00

a calm, quiescent wednesday evening.

'O' levels have been done with for about a week now. holidays are here, what with too much free time in our hands. somehow it just doesn't feel quite the same; the euphoria's missing, all our self-professed enjoyment gone. maybe it's just me, honestly i don't find much to do. as i shall quote a few people:

'You have no life ah?'

can't say i didn't have my fun though. the two barbeques were great over at jared's and mak's place. definitely delightful. shopping with mak and zhao is absolutely hilarious, though i daresay most of the time the humour has an uncanny tendency to be directed at me. 'sides that, i must admit. i've hardly done anything else.

ended up going back to school to work out a bit today. cancelled plans, last minute trends. not that circumstance has given me much of a choice anyway. what a tragedy.

really, i don't feel like saying much. just filling up empty spaces. so there-

2005-10-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

our passing of age, a chapter thus ended; our ineluctable curtain call.

my preliminary exams were okay. in fact, better than i expected. or maybe it's just that i've never hit below twenty for my L1R5, and suddenly i'm at ten. stunned me indeed. but oh well. shall be banking on victoria to accept me.

it took us four years to get here. now do we really want to leave?
it's such a strange feeling. not that i can really recall the day i left my primary school. wasn't a great period anyway, my innocently youthful years of primary education. to blatantly proclaim my innocence would be an outright lie. so there.

graduation day wasn't exactly the greatest. a lil' less shouting would've improved the overall mood by leaps and bounds. i'm certain no one felt the least bit gratified at the end of it all. then again, it would've been fitting if the right person was caught. honestly, he would've made an exemplary move IF the right person was caught instead, and allowed the proceedings to continue, with the scoldings commencing outside.
truly nostalgic. our eventful, vivacious and colourful lives in our fine institution revisited with the mere display of pictures. what men we are! from our naive, untried selves we were to the matured, refined and irrevocably charismatic gentlemen, for we christen ourselves the name 'Victorian", emblazoned not only on the P.E. shirts so emblematic of the Victorian tradition, but most importantly in our hearts where it will remain for the many years to come.

i'll honestly miss those times. for all the times we laughed, for all those times we got into trouble, for every little joke we had about the person sitting right next to us, they were all that i needed to get me through every day.

the friends who were there
when i couldn't even care
about the world in a spare
moment of it all.

then there is the class. the class of 4F. none can ever usurp from us our throne of notoriety, besides the likes of maybe 4B. our ability to have fun when it is due (and even then, when it isn't due) is widely known, and is simply unmatched. nonpareil, sui generis. though it may seem all very poetical and emotional, i will not forget the thirty-nine classmates i spent two of my most memorable years of secondary school life with. notwithstanding the many others i've come to know over the course of my educational sojourn in Victoria School. my toast to 4F, success unbounded will be your reward with the necessary diligence and hard work that is demanded from us all. our dreams and hopes are nothing but empty vessels, with nothing to substantiate at all. achievements are our real and physical manifestations of these vessels, substantiated by our beliefs, fortified by our efforts.

and who can ever forget the beautiful skyline, the dazzling view from the top of the world. nil sine labore.

2005-09-20T19:54:00.000+08:00

don't claim that you know how i feel- no one knows what it's like to be in a situation like this.

it's tearing me apart, imploding from within.

i know i might not be me now, so really;

i'm sorry.

2005-09-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

it's been a cool 57 days since i last wrote. time does fly doesn't it.

decided to actually write something now since it's supposed to be quite a remarkable day. this here marks the end of the victoria school secondary four preliminary examinations 2005. where i'll go, no one knows. results will come in due time. till then, fingers crossed.

must say some of the papers were genuinely tough. didn't start off on a good note really. practicals were killer. then came the papers. had a bad start with elementary mathematics completely demoralising me, and a bad end with the biology paper crushing my confidence. or whatever's left it.

a hell lot has happened since the last time i've 'penned' my thoughts out. most of which i've been too lazy to chronicle on this online diary. yes, what a way to contradict purpose, yet i felt it could wait. just a few notable events, most of them quotidian events that don't raise much concern.

so let's just start with recent memory. whatever's happened in the past is the past.

been feeling really weak. much better now though. tried running to school yesterday. though i did eventually make it, felt like marching through the fires of hell, not the usual well-paced and relaxed run. guess i've not hit the track with my running shoes for too long. not that i asked for a prolonged hiatus anyway. victim of consequence i'd say. practically no one was in school yesterday, save derrick and a few juniors. decided to stay awhile, cool down, chat and go home. life as it is, the absence of interest and fun.

i think i'm supposed to feel relieved today. my exams just ended.

i feel like a victim of kismet, balanced on a scale and having to choose one or the other.

help.

2005-07-21T21:39:00.000+08:00

another inter-school track and field championship season has come and gone.

it was quite memorable really. albeit the small stadium and sheer absence of majority of our school population, it is after all my last year in victoria school. quite a shame to leave really. especially the throwers' team.

the whole event was interesting enough. the tedium of watching the various events take place really wasn't as bad as it used to be the past 3 years, though it was easy to tell who would win most of the time, even before the race had started. guess a lil' bit of research could go quite a bit. quite a lot of our seniors came, much to our joy, relief and of course, ultimately surprise. wholehearted cheering and a few idiosyncratic gestures were made no doubt, with the ex-victorians ultimately game in every dare and possibility thrown at them. the whole affair lasted till late evening, videlicet, 6 to 7 range. took a few pictures with the whole track and field team and that was it, off to town for team dinner!

though, before i mention about the dinner, kudos to all the runners yesterday. all of you ran exceptionally well, and notwithstandingly done victoria school proud. classmates for the fourth year running and i have never seen this guy ever falter in the face of adversity when it comes to running. mr shi ronghua, ultimately the inspiration for every victorian, be they athletes or not. cheers to you ronghua.

team dinner was really really hilarious. we split into 4 different groups just outside cck stadium to get our cabs there. me, zhaoyao and jared were sharing the cab together. cabs were running short fast, but soon fortune favoured us a free cab without too long a wait. got there in good time indeed, 8pm was time of arrival. had to wait for our tables and took the time to settle financial and essential problems, questions and so on. and then we were in. started off with groups of us bunched into four and taking separate tables along the same length. we weren't together initially. but slowly, tables started to leave around us and soon we were all seated together enjoying laughs and tons of meat. the whole HCI track team came soon, and literally all of them. noise level noted, our group of 14 seemed to be making more of it. spurts of laughter and total hysteria, coupled with ramanan's 'mini-amplifier' voice and jeremy's hyena-like laughter. soon we all toasted in the most gracious name of who else, the throwers should know. it all ended off with loads of pictures and a few appropriately taken team shots just outside seoul garden and outside ngee ann city. before we knew it, we were all walking our separate ways finding our own means of getting home. indefinitely, i enjoyed it all.

in retrospect i really feel it's been a very good experience in the thower's team. not to mention the many lessons learned, be they through self-professed faults or the misfortunes of others. although my induction into the team was only in the early bit of 2003, i have indefinitely grown up and grown into the team. started off quite smooth sailing, with just one achievement in secondary two. went downhill from there with the onset of pride, complacency and whatnot. and i guess things just built on from there. got my act, myself and ultimately my direction up in secondary four. i must admit it was too late. but nonetheless i can only look forward.

i will never neglect the faithful, the respectable and the ultimately sincere friends in the team as well. mr jared nair, my good friend who throws the discus and often gets marked by the devil's incarnate (he goes by the name of mr alvin lim, or so they say). plain and simple honesty indeed, with notes of modesty and ultimately full of humour. three good years of friendship and still more to come, yes mr nair? always there for you, that's what he's good at.

mr dylan ong shu bin- my javelin throwing teammate and the source of humour. sympathies to him indeed, usually being the target of our two biggest teasers; zhaoyao and jared. but everyone gets the same treatment anyway. his determination during post season did push me to wake up from complacency. it's really a shame to see him not qualify this year; i'm very certain if he did he would've gotten into the top eight. but right now all we can do is look forward, yes?

last but not least, mr lam zhao yao, or coach lam to us. our captain for the year 2005/2006, throwers' team victoria school. a lot has passed really. things were not always smooth between us, but hey, they can only get better. humility is definitely the keyword here- not to mention humour and inspiration. humour because of his characteristic habit of literally teasing you till you're practically speechless; not to mention others as well in your wake. inspirational- well that's quite a tale to tell. the weight loss really did spur some people on. but really, both loyalty and humility always prevail, and both dominantly for this really good friend as he always tends to prove.

that's quite a load. might prove a bit heavy for some who dislike long entries. haha. just had to get certain things off my mind and in font. expressions are certainly encouraged.

2005-07-14T00:59:00.000+08:00

ahh. fourteenth of july two-thousand-and-five. shall note a few things down now then.

my secondary school track and field career has finally ended i'd say. not the fantastic ending i had in mind but oh well. javelin finals today. can't say i was too happy about the throws but neither can i say i had any high expectations of myself during the initial stages of the year. so then. just as it is.

watched downfall with charles, zhao, harry, gary, dennis and mr khoo. it was a good film, granted. the beginning was a tad bit jumpy though. and towards the end it got really really draggy. two and a half hours. talk about long. it was just brimming with melancholy. inhumane, cruel, grisly and stygian. scenes that would really make you wince and cringe in your seat. i suppose it also reflects well the true horror of war and everyone in it. which, by the way, is everyone.

the mid year examinations went by rather quickly. with the time accorded to me for study i would say i didn't study as much as i intended to. and therefore, this paper might be a major screw up for us all. save those who did their homework. the papers were relatively average. a few hard ones here and there, an occasional lenient paper. hope nothing goes terribly wrong.

i really have nothing much to say. gues i dread having to write long entries/essays now. maybe when i think of something i'll add on to it. but for now i guess that's it.

2005-06-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

much has passed between now and then. yet that much felt just like the occasional summer breeze, the cool satisfaction only to leave in a few fleeting moments.

holidays are coming to a close. yes, most of us would probably have not reached their quota of studies and/or shopping. but face it, school's gotta start some time. secondary four mid year examinations start on the first day of school. smashing.

with the month past, let's look back at the few notable events that actually wandered their way into my life-

RMUN 2005 was interesting. i was never really prepared for it, safe to say due to my reluctance to speak. those two days of working papers, resolutions, caucuses and what not seemed to end quite fast though. i must say i'm really glad for my schoolmates. jafnie did really well, not to mention everyone else who received accolades. that would be shiva, alex, mansoor, wayne, roderick and shu xie. an as for the fashion parade, talk about victorian impromptu. amusing indeed. anyway cheers to all who took part. c'est magnifique.

zhao's birthday was on 20th june, contrary to other informational discrepancies stating the 5th of june. haha. had training in the afternoon. talk about heat fatigue, the sun mercilessly scorching our backs. after that headed over to modesto's with jared and had dinner with the dearbirthday boy and harry. haha talk about twenty inch pizzas and savoury pastas, topped off with a pleasant birthday tiramisu cake. that followed by my first game of pool! yes, 'twas a game seriously lacking the gravitas that seems to be a characteristic of so many pool competitions aailable for viewing on your television set. hilarious really. with zhaoyao and harry burning the table with their trick shots, i was left stunned indeed. my foray into pool proved to be quite interesting.

i have to say trainings have been quite fun lately. albeit tiring, still the brimming energy of my juniors and peers alike, the jokes and laughter, all just make training more enjoyable in a satisfactory sense. wouold be horrible indeed if everyone was too bogged down by the onset of nationals. every day the mood would be so downcast, serious. such gravitas. much regrets to place on my attitude towards training after nationals'03. shouldn't have been too complacent. ah well. 'tis fait accompli. will just work on from here then.

i guess there's nothing else notable really. just that i've been training and training. athletes aren't exempted from mid years. how sad. taxing indeed.

let's all wait for the ineluctable start of school with fervent anticipation now.

2005-05-30T19:33:00.000+08:00

it's finally over. and it just happened so quickly and calmly. it's hard to realise.

well that's done and over with, finally- chinese paper down. wouldn't want to pin any expectations on it now, lest my heart sink rapidly due to the failure of attainment. just wait for the results to come as they are.

so it's the inaugural exodus from the tedium of school routines to the much deserved, though some i should say not, chronic full fledged relaxation. well i'd beg to differ; especially for the plight of all secondary four students at this point in time. mandatory process in life it seems for your typical singaporean teenager taking his GCE 'O' Levels. much of studies and books and whatnot, unless the devil's caress subject you to the seduction of temptation. persevere my fellow comrades, it'll be over sooner than you'd expect it to last.

haven't said anything over the course of quite a number of days. nothing much that would invoke much interest anyway. i can safely say i've done within expectations for my physics and practically screwed my chemistry. which has positively left me flummoxed. what seemed to be an average paper turned out to be my worst nightmare. biology's up next, 7th june. think i'll start working on that soon, very soon.

english oral preliminary examination! okay it's practically screwed. well my picture discussion was i figure. examiner says i need prompting. reading aloud was a breeze i'd say. short passage, not that much of a mouthful. conversation was..okay. i mean, why the hell would you want to know what i would NOT bring on a holiday or a trip? perpetually frustrating, but positive marks i guess. overall it wasn't half that bad i figure. being the last person in line. quite a wait i'd say. at least they didn't leave me to suffer in silence and embrace the solitude.

life's less a drag now. it's comforting to note, to say the least. through dark times and stormy finds; there's always an end to thunderstorms and painful thorns. suffice to say, in most our lives.

and it's much better not to be so overly dependant on certain things.

that's enough from me i suppose.

2005-05-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

weekends again. horrible lightning storm outside. just adds on to the dreary outlook.

the week before was just normal. nothing notable. birthday passed by relatively quiet, thankfully i'd say. though there were certain unforseen slips in information. it was just another week to kill time.

the past week was filled with mock tests and what not. sciences this week and the next. done and over with the chemistry and physics papers already. relatively fine, wouldn't say they were hard. frankly i must admit i haven't touched my science books outside lesson time. it's just quite hard to get started sometimes. got to get my pace going. can't wait to get the papers back. i'd want to see how i fare without any formal revision. biology's next week. well that's something i think i should get started on.

maybe i'm slowly dipping into dementia.

the rain can fall upon distant deserts;
the rain can fall upon the sea;
the rain can fall upon the flower.
since the rain has to fall,
let it fall on me.
agua de beber-

2005-04-30T01:05:00.000+08:00

it's the end of the school week- phew. let's all catch a breather now.

impending 3 day weekend a real treat i'd say. pretty much need all the rest, or should i say extra time to work on other things. been quite an average and normal week really. just that maybe i had quite a few agendas to pursue during post curriculum. really drained from the week. felt horrible over the past few days. gagging for no apparent reason with heartbeat soaring and all. shan't dawdle into that. probably tired that's all.

so the passage of time, albeit slow, has certainly caught up with us, if not overtaken some. it's close to the middle of the year. what a dash. can't be left behind now, can we, at this crucial juncture of our lives.

i can't wait to get everything done tomorrow. bah. all that administration and paperwork done for. a brief moment of respite before getting into perspective again. seriously hope this thing doesn't screw up for all of us. i'm sure everyone's been spending nights trying to complete everything. all the best then gentlemen.

i don't like to feel awkward. or feel as if i've got some repelling force surrounding me.
sucks when you feel people around you take you like some malignant disease.

mocks coming up. week 8 all sciences. have to polish my understanding over certain facets before i'd even be slightly prepared for the papers. my best wishes for all those taking the mid year exams from the 5th of may onwards, and to the current secondary four cohort for theirs, or should i say ours, from the end of june. persevere my fellow classmates, schoolmates, teammates and ultimately victorians. you know you have to.

2005-04-24T10:15:00.000+08:00

so here ends another week.

it's not been much of a week. except maybe for the two birthday boys. they got it good man. sports day on friday was pretty much a drag. a few nice races though, other than that, nothing much to be interested in.

a thief in our midst. the hot debate of the week. which leads me to the school admin. open criticism would satisfy me, but i decline to comment here. we shall see this whole matter through before i decide to open my mouth. monday it is.

so it ends here. close a chapter and start anew.
or has it ended at all.

2005-04-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

the day before marked the 46th year of the annual national inter-school cross country championships.

the day before came a contingent a thousand men strong.

the day before blazing banners exemplifying victorian presence and dominance were proudly adorned on the metal railings and concrete outcroppings.

the day before our cheers resounded throughout the vast complex.

the day before many ran to imminent glorification.

the day before a certain individual ran a race inspirational like no other.

the day before, spirits soared and flags flew high.

the day before, joyous celebration and sportsmanship were on the high.

the day before, the day was won.

that was the day before.

today our laurels have been placed aside. life goes on as it is. success is bound by the limitations of reality. so today was a mundane day. woke up at 8+. guess i slept rather early last night. school weeks are mentally draining. it's like saturation point. made my way to school at about 10+ to complete some work. saw a few people, talked to a handful of them, did a bit of work. decided to make my way to vjc at about 2 for the sports heats. i'm glad to report mr jared nair has clinched a gold. he's in the team. that's good. a host of other rather interesting races and events were held. left with nair for school at about 4.20. ran to bedok jetty from school. i think i pushed myself quite a bit. when i ran back the drama boys reported their absence from the auditorium. without removing my bag. so my weary legs had to persevere one more round of frantic sprinting to the 2nd floor entrance of the school auditorium. thankfully my legs weren't about to give way and the door wasn't locked. left for home at 6.

i'm still drifting amidst the vast ocean. with no port to call.

solitude is solace hard sought by some.
but torment ever present to the few.

2005-04-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

the rain's coming in. been quite a dreary week with all that rain.

did some banner restoration with the boys today. hope everything can be seen in full splendour tomorrow. i'm really relishing the chance to see ronghua cross the finishing line first. his last year running for vs, hell, all of our last years taking part as a victorian. all had come to pass within what seemed to be a matter of seconds.

that being said, i do have my doubts about how things will be efficiently carried out tomorrow. i'm just feeling so mentally drained. and i see so many loopholes in administration. such bureacracy. the school administration really causes me to wonder at it's efficacy.

my parents are gone. for a week or so. i hope the trip will do something good for them. i really miss those times. those genuine smiles. what have we done to deserve as such.

school's a drag. i seriously don't know what to do now. quite lost really. and i guess i'm being scrutinized. comes to no surprise. i'm sure everyone knows why. sometimes i just really wish everyone would lay off on me.

i'm sorry.

but it's good for a change to see everyone's alright. i hope.

2005-04-03T10:25:00.000+08:00

well hello everyone. the presence of monotony does have its edge on me. so i've decided to pour a few words out about the past week or so.

it's been quite an alright week actually. school was really draggy for one. i'm really burned out everyday. just feels so tiring to stay up during lessons. guess it's just me, or is it? reality does tend to sink in sometimes. april fool's was fabulous. completely hilarious. kick started with four of us donning our khaki shorts; gosh haven't felt the wind in my legs for a loong time. strutting around the canteen during a dominantly upper sec recess certainly brought much laughter and stares in disbelief. haha. did a swap with 4D after that before shifting our tables to face the sea. teachers were really perplexed, but i guess they saw it coming yeah? really enjoyed it.

training's been draining. suffice to say, thursday's training was. friday was light and casual. my body's still aching from the 'bodybuilder' exercise. ooh yeah. talk about strained. jason and weirui came back on thursday. really good to see them again, the two captains of years past. gave us quite a bit to think about really. for those who were there and those who listened. we're really working against adversity now. without a coach.

my mind's in quite a daze really. still quite lost. not too sure where to set my bearings. it's really sad to realise that days now just don't feel quite the same. people aren't as close as before? just seems that way. but at the same time, it's comforting to note there are people i can place my trust in. turbulent times really. the december holidays were much better.

we're always questioning motives. where do we place our trust in times like these?

2005-03-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

well now. it's been a week already. week one term two. smashing.

lightened up a lot really. everything's much better now i guess. maybe i was too vexed before to see the lighter side of things. actions and paths committed. such a subjective perspective before. hope that's all done over with.

a myriad of pleasant surprises really. during the past two weeks. but i won't go into much detail. i'll spare you the minute facts. school's been quite lethargic for me somehow. haven't got that much rest maybe. still falling asleep one way or another. lessons have been packed into a 6 and a half hour time slot. as compared to the previous 9 hour one. much better i'd say. though there's still come cause for complaint amongst a few. more three period slots now. rather sick of it actually. having to watch and listen to the same teacher for three sickening periods. especially math. killer.

we're always questioning motives. all the more the sceptics than those with faith. just makes you wonder if someone really means what he or she does. or what he or she says.

lovely friday afternoon. a bit warm for my liking, but nonetheless bright and sunny. sadly there's nothing calling out to me. the temptation of sloth does weigh heavy.

2005-03-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

hahahaha. i'm going hysterical. really. i could just burst any minute. just kill me. seriously. it's too much to bear.

when does a friendship really mean one. i'm childish i know. these words below just prove it.

send me to exile. to eternal damnation where i can spend a lifetime repenting for what sins i have committed. these are the words on the lips of all. the words of the enlightened, the oral recital of the common people, the curses of the forever condemned.

these are the words on the lips of all.

2005-03-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

there are dangerous people out there. or so my paranoia has permitted me to think. there are dangerous people everywhere. people who just can't be trusted with information. maybe. just maybe. i'm quite paranoid now. it just sucks to be. really. when you just can't seem to place much trust in people you consider friends.

so the term is coming to a close. it's the last day of the term tomorrow. isn't that fast. in 3 terms time i'll be sitting for my O level papers. the onset of such a large task at hand just scares me. and serves all the more to increase my current paranoid state. along with the stress and the pressure induced by the prospect of pathetic results and my current results. lovely start to a year isn't it.

and so the day went by rather monotonously. well you can't expect much from an average school day. the usual class atmosphere. i guess fatigue has taken it's toll on me; i'm really tired really easily now. i just find myself sleeping all the time. no idea where all that energy went. even though i slept at what, 10+ at night? it certainly starts to freak me out. could be suffering from some sleep condition i've heard of somewhere. so the lessons dragged by.

training was rather tiring. i guess i haven't really been training in a while. training hard that is. all the while i was still tired. nevermind that. went to play floorball after the weights. then the band boys decided to come over and play soccer. decided to step aside and let them play without losing miserably due to my untimely presence. proceeded to the gym. i think i'm really lucky i did.

i just hate the immaturity that sets in when i'm not feeling good. makes me feel as if my whole class is against me one way or another. like i said, paranoia. i'm very prone to paranoia. i think i'll go hysterical when i'm old, if i'm alive by then.

curtain call, the term is almost done.

2005-03-04T21:56:00.000+08:00

such a hard week has past. it's not been that good for me really. i feel so drained at the end of the week.

i guess i've been really bothered about my results in particular. i didn't receive them well at all. not one bit. i'm so disturbed and stressed out by it i practically had the capacity to skip any meal for two days. maybe a bun and a sandwich or two. but yes. i feel it's bad enough. considering i do have a training schedule to adhere to. strangely i didn't feel hungry at all during any point of time. i just didn't eat. enough of that shall we. it's depressing to think of it.

been talking to xuan han quite recently. and i've learnt about him something i never really knew. and safe to say, i completely respect and admire him as an individual. his will to give, the self-sacrificial tendencies he makes for his family, his school and his peers. it just astounds me. for a person to exercise such maturity at such an age. well he might not reciprocate such respect that i have for him towards me, but i'm not really bothered. i guess it's right to feel moral responsibility for this boy who has sacrificed so much for so many people. often too much. misguidance would surely invoke severe consequences.

i find that although the past week has been such a terrible ride, i manage to find the uncanny strength to brave a smile around whoever needs it. suits me rather well actually, to be able to bring hope and confidence in someone who needs it even though i'm not in the best of moods to do so.

went with the history and literature boys to watch a double bill at the esplanade. watched a performance artist before that at the concourse. it was just plain disturbing. the way she portrayed it, the way she acted it out. it was meant to shock from what i've heard, and i believe it served its purpose rather well actually. Adolf was good. his tone reflected his purpose well, drawing the audience to his speech. language was used well to convince the audience. Anthology was rather queer. and disturbing in a sense. the horrors of the Holocaust acted out in such an innocent demeanour.

silence in apathy invokes scarcity in sympathy. when we bottle up all the troubles we have, people become apathetical if they're not sensitive enough to detect it, and there goes sympathy; out the window. at least. that's what i deduce from this. something i decided to come up with in my own free time. not that anyone really matters now, do they?

2005-02-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

jet lag really sucks.

after another long day at school. you know it's a long day when you end up getting home at 8pm. oh well. quite tired from the trip. i guess i'll take awhile to get myself right.

paris was a nice place. saw a myriad of places and buildings, the things we hear of so often. the french architecture is quite pleasant. paris has quite a lot of grandeur in terms of the city itself. the buildings and architectural feats. versailles is something to see. the sheer size of the palace is quite astounding.

CAs' on next week. haven't forgotten that i've got to work harder this year. hold on, play later. haha. certain subjects are clearing up to me now. at least i've got a better understanding of a few. chinese still doesn't help though. damn.

all the best to all those having tournaments. do the school proud boys. the badminton, tennis, table tennis, volleyball and the soccer boys. should be all i think. sorry if i missed anyone out.

this isn't very long. i don't feel like typing anything long. i feel tired. i need sleep.

2005-01-30T08:44:00.000+08:00

lovely sunday isn't it. the sun's not glaring. as of yet, that is. it's only 8.48am anyway. still quite a way to go. a number of hours later this day will be over and it's back to long hours in school. no matter.

the barbecue last night was great. the food was nice, for one thing. 4 of us, mr khoo, cassidy, dennis and me, went to parkway at 12.30 to get stuff for the night out. got loads of stuff to cook. then went back to my house in khoo's car to start marinating the stuff. started from 3 ended at around 4+, 5. we had sambal stingray, chicken fillet in tempura sauce, the usual chicken wings. the list goes on. but yeah. it ended out great. after the marination session we decided to indulge in a few rounds of bridge. haha. till we got a bit late. but no one was that hungry anyway. had quite a bit of fun there. running around. that lasted for awhile. then. someone unexpected came eh. haha. ms tham decided to come with her husky. now that's quite a surprise isn't that?

the night lasted quite awhile. we ended at around 11.47pm. a number of us hopped into ms tham's car. j-wei was rather happy now wasn't he, in the front seat. haha. anyway the ride was short-lived, as she dropped us off at mcdonald's. grabbed a much-needed drink there, then went over to the bowling alley to see najid dinie zuyao lionel and leon playing. zuyao's bowling is gay lah. strike spare spare strike spare spare. and the list goes on again. left the place at 12plus. parents came to pick me up. apparently my whole family was spending the night out too.

2005-01-25T19:59:00.000+08:00

hello people. i'm back from school. finally. haha. well i was back at 7.30 so yeah. anyway. i shall go on to write something about my somewhat mundane life. peppered with vibrant and interesting friends.

I did surprisingly alright for my physics test. relief i'd say. i was expecting a fail. guess my fundamentals are not that far off after all. that leaves my bio test unaccounted for. hopefully i did well. it was rather easy. school's been a rather routine affair now. no more wandering around singapore during the late afternoons. no more lunches with friends out of school. just school all the way. well i guess i've been doing my work during self study. making time for myself at home to relax. yeah. feels good actually. i know my work. the wonderous magnitude of such an exclamation is out of proportion. for the first time in my life i can do additional mathematics as if it were dusting dirt off my shirt. well that's for the easy questions anyway. but still. it's a large improvement from my previous endeavour into the realm of logarithms and calculus. my sciences prove to be alright. except maybe bio. i'm still rather confused with the reproduction in plants part. quite a large chapter. i guess i'll have to study a lot more.

i feel sickness setting in on me. my nose has been undeniably peculiar lately. too stuffed up. coughing invokes pain from my chest. oh well. i guess i have to practise more healthier habits and alternatives. lessons aren't that boring anymore. that's because i bother to listen. at least i think i do. the whole class is getting sick. okay fine maybe partly. dennis songyan ronghua sick. soon to be me as well. hope it tides by quickly. i don't want to fall ill for too long.

training's been rather regular lately. seeing the usual faces plus more. that's a good sign at least. people do come for training. but i won't be surprised if it's all just play pretend and after nationals people start to go missing. happens all the time. i'm fine with that i guess, as long as it's not for too long. everyone needs a break. it's just when they bother to start working. zhao's been responsible for the team since last year. rest up yeah. get your back live and kickin' again. so you can start training and throw for victoria one last time. haha. charles' leg just got better. go charles. play for victoria. haha.

nur iman is our influential house captain! man. won the vote by default. haha. lead whampoa to victory eh. and our two vice captains alan kong plus daniel bey. rising icons in the victorian society. haha.

that's as much as i can think of right now. will update when i do have the time and patience to think of something to say. do take care people. cheers.

2005-01-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

ah. looks like it's been quite a while. laziness does amount to something after all. anyway. i'll get started on something then for all those who've decided to take refuge at this blog for awhile. in your computer screen.

day 11 of the year 2005. how smashing. i guess i've got quite an alright start to the year. doing my homework and everything. or so i think. haha. did a chemistry test last friday. expected to do better than what i got but. i guess that comes for not studying. haha. i really have to get myself to work harder. i will start today! ah yes.

2004 ~ 2005. similarity ah. same classmates. mostly the same teachers. except a new english teacher and math teacher. ms lorraine tham and mrs wong li meng. and j-wei's crazy over ms tham. haha. gosh. the things my classmates do. can't blame them really. they're 4F. and ms tham's rather cute i'd say. a refreshing change for one thing. heh.

so now. nothing much external going on. not much of a life now since i'm under the new vs timetable. school till 5pm on mondays to wednesdays. but given the amount of stuff we have to do anyway it's practically 5 for us everyday. fun isn't it. the thought of it does surprise many.

team training's in quite large numbers now. since people are coming for training. especially those completely absent for the holidays. ridiculous. oh well.

orientation camp was rather fun i guess. with all my fellow camp leaders. and the senior peer support leader and senior camp instructor. haha. but kayaking gets rather boring after awhile see. especially when you're not kayaking all the time. and when you have these sec one kids who completely have limited attention spans. they don't listen and as a result cannot co-ordinate. end up going all the way back into the mangroves. but it was fun kayaking around. been awhile really. my juniors are quite a batch really. the sec one batch this year isn't fantastic. quite alot of pampered kids. but they're smart i guess. 246 this year. and to think we were supposedly dropping. haha. so yeah. cheers to you guys who tided through the camp taking care of your juniors. and kudos to the leaders for their work.

i wonder when my role as a spsl will come in. seriously there doesn't seem to be anything for us to do. guess something will come along somehow. some time.

study hard guys. it's our last year in vs-

2004-12-17T01:22:00.000+08:00

man. what a good day spent. haha. totally refreshing.

started the day at slightly before 10. got up and started reading the papers checking for movie timings. cathay orchard doesn't show ocean's twelve today. what a waste. oh well. left the house at 12 expecting to reach town at 1. ended up reaching town at 12.30 due to the relatively fast journey made by the bus service number 14. got the tickets for the show and met up with the charming charles and the handsome zirui. they just came from soccer training so charles was tired and smelled like soccer. zirui was dressed to kill. lol. we headed to burger king and waited for the irresistable zhaoyao to come while charles and ziray had their lunch. we started walking around after much waiting and found dennis and ryan pak who, coincidentally, were watching the same show as us. talk about coincidence. anyway wandered aimlessly before zhaoyao came decked out in a navy blue striped polo and jeans. haha. turned out everyone was in jeans except hairy charles. so we went down, walked up and headed towards starbucks for a cuppa. talked till around 3+ before we headed for the theatres. show was quite good i'd say, but ocean's eleven had a better plot. but the music was just seamless with the film. good stuff. movie ended at 6 and we headed towards marche after that for dinner. sat down and had another hearty chat along with dinner which lasted till around 8 or so. walked towards wheelock and sat down at coffee bean for another chat. haha seems like we never ran out of things to say. left at 9.20 when my dad came. crazy zhaoyao and ziray reached home at 12+. haha. guess they talked much after me and charles left. times like these are hard to forget. great friends yeah.

that's about pretty much the highlight for the week. haha. have fun in shanghai handsome zhaoyao. and handsome ziray. who's going to malaysia on the 20th i think. zhao on the 19th. have a safe trip and enjoy yourselves boys.

2004-12-11T08:29:00.000+08:00

hello there again- i'm back from italy. what a lovely getaway from the hectic now turned mundane life of singapore. been quite a while since i last updated yeah. but oh well. who's reading anyway. haha.

pltc`04 was quite alright i guess. it turned out better than i expected it to be. haha. i guess i was rather against mr jonathan oh for a few things. but things had to work out somehow anyway. got to know the juniors better. ahh...guess they were alright too. better than i expected as usual. you'd have to admit their enthusiasm was rather misleading. oh well. that ended in rather high spirits there and then. got my foot swollen though. bah.

something interesting happened; well to me. after playing a game of rugby at east coast with the rest. my junior got himself injured and couldn't walk. guess everyone was tired then, so was i. but hey. being a senior i am responsible for my juniors. after the game he couldn't get back. so i figured, what the hell. i'd carry him on my back all the way to school. wasn't an easy feat for me by the least. but i managed it in the end. all the while i was repeating a simple, yet motivational phrase in my mind, till a point i literally uttered it out every breath i took in.

"i will persist and i will succeed."

might sound cliched but hey, works for me. it's something so simple we often tell ourselves yet never happens.

reached back at school. exhausted and weary not to mention strained. so yeah. reported to mr jonathan oh. told him we had one guy injured and all. seriously wasn't in the mood to hear any bullshit from him. but somehow he saw that through me and asked me in that really irritated manner why i let the boys play without shoes. i mean, what the hell. i don't dictate their choice of footwear. they've played several times and would know best how they perform on the field, with or without shoes. i didn't walk all the way from east coast to hear crap. ah well. guess another lesson is that some things you do might not reflect well upon others. but take comfort in knowing you did something well to someone's life. so don't hesitate about what others might think of you when making a decision which affects the welfare of another person i guess?

a leader often has two decisions. the popular and the ethical. popular being the one everyone favours but not the one that might produce the best product. ethical being the most effective but the least liked. and somehow he's able to accomodate the best of both to come up with a choice.

digressions aside. left singapore for rome's leonardo da vinci airport at 1 am on th 30th. arrived at around 7am in the morning. italy is such a beautiful place. really. if there's one place you should go, italy. rome especially. stayed in florence for two days, train to venice for another two days, the dolomites for skiing four days and finally rome again for two days. venice is lovely. no cars, no automobiles. just pavement, water and boats zipping around the grand canal. it's so easy to get lost in venice- and that's the beauty of it. it's practically a floating city. the only strip of land is at the train station, the rest is sinking. two and a half inches per year. quite sad isn't it. oh well. skiing was fun. rome was great. save the gypsy children who tried to steal from my dad- bloody able children who think it's alright to steal for a living. get a job damnit. the vatican city really deserves to be a wonder. i was pretty much in awe when i first stepped into the piazza, into St Peter's Basilica, the museum and lastly the Sistine Chapel. the art and history there is amazing. every inch in the musuem is covered in art. not a single disappointing piece. paintings, frescoes, sculptures. all irreplacable. one visit is not enough. an estimate, if you took a minute to look each and every item in the musuem, you'd take about 12 years. that's about how much art there is in the vatican musuem. haha. amazing stuff. the food is excellent there. heh. coffee's great too. never adull moment in italy where the food is concerned. the ingredients are so fresh.
haha. ah well. guess i've said too much now. i'll end off here.

2004-11-15T22:37:00.000+08:00

it's been some time since i've really done anything. sigh. homework does come to mind though. ah well. i shall keep focus.

all our goals, our hopes, our dreams, are liken to dust, unless we take action. simple enough. we are not acting promptly at all. what use is meaningless prattle of scoring and achieving if we're not even taking the steps to attain them. we talk about lifting the school to greater heights. we talk about scoring A1s for our exams. we talk about performing well in competitions. but what are all these but useless talk of men. when no action is taken at all.

this sad state that has taken shape along the years of numerous cohorts of victorians. it really makes me wonder how victoria once was in its full splendour. i believe many detractors have sought to bring ruin to our name. but their each futile attempt becomes more significant with each day we bring ruin to ourselves. but no. this should not happen.

and what of all this being said. when i, myself, have not taken any action? therefore we must act now. it is not enough that you agree or disagree with what i have said.

not much happened this day. went out with my parents to get a few stuff before our vacation. got myself a pair of shoes from timberland. nice. really wasn't a very interesting day to note. timberland has nice things anyway. heh.

i guess we all really want to put this year behind us. some might disagree, but hey, there'll always be people who do. hasn't been a really good year in particular. how fast it has come and gone though. all one can do is believe the next year will prove better.

men talk about killing time while time quietly kills them.

2004-11-08T19:46:00.000+08:00

5 days of camaraderie, threshold breaking activities, the sweltering hot sun, significant rope burns. we're through my brothers in arms. Soul Forge CIC 2004 has come to an end with everyone in high spirits.

burnt skin and a tinge of red. such moments are those we'd look back and remember thinking, good times we shared in an environment away from the comfort of many modern facilities.

spray painting was fun. heh. that really changed the mood on the gloomy first day. the camp turned out like some AEP camp. lol. abseiling down a wall and spraying nil sine labore certainly sparked some creativity.

the anecdotes that were chosen were chosen well. i guess they leave a deep impression among people who bother to read and listen to what our friend and teacher mr siow said. the words just hit you straight-

which two, among a thousand wise men, would define success in the same words; yet failure is always described but one way.

i suppose for us leaders, for once, 12 men would define success in the same manner. well done, instructors and leaders alike. we've got it made.

nile sine labore.
victoria school.

2004-10-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

everyday i come home from school i just feel like sleeping. bah. gets so tiring after a day of school i guess. my basal metabolism is quite low. haha. no energy. sigh. i'm getting so weary so easily.

MOE Labrador Adventure Camp looks kinda eerie if you place a night setting on it. rather old compound. haha. perfect for our night walk during camp. went to look around on wednesday afternoon to finalize camp programmes. tad more interesting than jalan bahtera i guess. and talk about beds. lol. haven't had a camp with beds anytime recent. CIC's gonna be quite fun i believe.

i'm so tired now i just feel like lying on my bed and sleeping. but nevermind.

my ezlink card's screwed. damn it. don't see a logical reason behind that occurance. ah well.

man. i fell asleep while typing this. gosh. i think i'll need some rest then.

2004-10-26T19:03:00.000+08:00

verification day. that's over and done with. sigh. our cohort's in bad shape. results are really dismal for our batch. i guess we all have to put in the extra effort for next year, not just ourselves, but for the school as well. i don't think any of us want to see victoria school go down any further.

spent the whole day in school today. just walked around, talked to people. watched people train. the school's like my second home now. i don't usually leave till at least 5pm. i guess i've grown fond of staying in school, watching the lives of victorians pass by. do all of us really feel satisfied about what we have achieved? i mean, yes, it's good that you made it to sec 4. but barely scraping through isn't exactly satisfactory. if such results are going to go on the school's on course to grave. sigh. victorians, we must work harder.

how much does it take to redeem yourself. i can only wonder. redemption does leave more to be desired from. what is redemption anyway. is it paying for your sins. or is it knowing what you've done wrong and trying to change it to the best of your ability.

don't you just hate it when you're stuck in a situation where you just don't know what to say. whatever you say is just seen as plain wrong. and even if you don't say anything, people still perceive you as apathetical.

2004-10-09T18:34:00.000+08:00

tum dum. a week of torturous mental blackouts, fatigued and weary minds, and tensed atmospheres. we're finally almost home free. and freedom never tasted so near to life this whole year.

oh well. the exams weren't really that good i guess. the papers weren't really the easiest of all. some were easier than others but granted there were the ones which just stunned you for half a minute. haha. oh well. at least that's almost over. biology paper on tuesday. mother tongue on wednesday. and the word freedom is complete. a letter for each day i have at least one paper. haha. fits pretty well if you just think about it. i've got a letter from the word 'freedom' per day of examination. 7 days of exams. ah well. the overworked mind lavishing in the presence of boredom and stagnancy. just hope my results won't reflect the contrary of hard effort done.

so it's a cool saturday evening now. and i've practically wasted a whole day today. tomorrow i've got to make up for it. study bio. some schools i just learned weren't even at homoestasis for the exams. tsk. ah well.

can't wait for the end of exams, technically 13th october for me. soon after that the week next Eagles concert. heh. 18th october. CIC camp 4th - 8th november if i get in that is. sigh. PSL camp 26th - 28th november. leaving for Italy 28th november. kind of a rush isn't it. lol. for about 12 - 14 days. lovely. Venice- i'd love to see the place. haha. and all the little fill-ins consisting of outings and all other things alike in between. i'm thinking too early. don't you think so. anyway just keep it going guys. just a few more days of exams and we're theoretically home free. for awhile, if it helps. haha. then back to the syllabus for preparation for the O levels.

school's alright. i guess maybe not as great as before but yeah. not that it really matters anyway. everyone's really into the exams now. well maybe most. i'm sure i know some people who don't give hell about exams.

that's about as much that's interesting to far. i lead a rather mundane life often at the brink of standstill. haha. smashing.

2004-09-27T19:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes when your best just isn't good enough.

talk about tough. sigh

and so the school year continues. one week before the end of the year examinations start. things aren't looking good for some i guess. for most maybe. oh well. all the best to all. just hope it's not too late for some of you guys. do your best yeah.

term 4, year 3. victoria school. this year's been tough. in every way possible. i guess life's not ideal as it used to be. probably not at all. and all the while i've been delusional.

kudos to those who made life more interesting for me to live in. if not for awhile.

guess i've been drifting for a long while. nowhere to go. no place seems comfortable or welcome to me. hah. drifter.

didn't do much today. went to the gym. had chinese oral exam. studied in school.
what a day. maybe it'd be more interesting. if i had less things on my mind.

or maybe it's the jazz.

heh. i swear i'm (not)alright. nah i'm just kidding. exams come first.

wish me luck.

abomination; condemned to an abyssmal void-

2004-09-11T15:29:00.000+08:00

so the holidays come to an end in about a day's time. how amusing. especially when a certain someone called pravind has taken my emath tenyearseries on his journey of self-fulfilment.

and so there. one week of completely meaningless existance has almost passed. and on will come the 4 weeks of peculiar hardwork before the 1 or 2 weeks of mental paranoia and breakdown. finally, notwithstanding, the few days of relief granted no doubt to those who have chosen to persevere through the hard times. sigh. the end of years are coming guys. let's work hard shall we.

let's see. was at malaysia from saturday to tuesday. last saturday. well everything was quite nice. except maybe the fact that the sky was bogged down with the almost impenetrable haze. and since i had asthma it was no doubt deterimental to my health. so i was coughing and coughing throughout the whole journey. nice for a start. and what irony. i didn't bring my inhaler. oh well. the shopping was kind of. expensive. i mean. the stuff at KLCC or starhill were hardly priced lower than that of singapore. ah well. did buy some things i guess. heh. the food there is alright. not too bad at a glance. service is terrible though. seriously. maybe it's the places i visited, maybe. but ah well. shan't stereotype now. hermes is a snobbish place. haha. they don't tend to you if you don't look like a big spender.

i love my guitar. oh yeah.

thinking of the future is kind of. scary. in a sense. what are you gonna do. if you can't meet this if you can't meet that. ah well. just a young boy's paranoid mind at work.

so there.

2004-09-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

and it's the second last day of term 3 already. sigh. how quickly the sands of time fall in the ever-existant hourglass of life. it's going to be a year soon. a good year. a bad year. but it'll be the same anyway. and i don't know whether i should be happy or sad. i guess it's a mix of both. i feel both at the current moment now-

had a nice game of soccer with the throwers. haha. was hoping for something else but nevermind. i think i injured my hamstring. somehow or rather. i hate being so injury-prone. oh well. training again tomorrow. just hope it won't be too much on me. my body's killing me. i don't feel my back's on the path of convalescence. let's hope it'll recover.

let's look back on the year that's passed behind me. i'm in a great class, great friends, great teachers(?). okay maybe not some. haha. but we braved it all together. met new personalities. saw the true colours of a number (lol nicole). had a handful of irritants but who cares? it's sort of a great year i guess. though abit on the downside where teachers and material stuff are concerned. to think i lost my wallet. bah. oh well. track and field has been considerably disappointing for me. i guess i didn't put my best and i wasn't up to it at all. learned a lesson or two about life. my parents- i'm grateful they're still together. i hope getting stronger. my ever-adorable and notwithstandingly irrtating sister; thank God i have her. it's been quite a turbulent year too. but yeah. every person has his or her ups and downs. probably didn't get any better looking at all(haha). complacency has plagued me ever since lower sec i guess. the thought that i could get away with not studying. hah. that's bullshit. in upper secondary. subjects are not as easy as they are thought to be. or as your seniors make it to be. it's quite a challenge to keep your grades constantly good. being a sportsman demands both physical and mental endurance. and i guess we all need it. i doubt i have attained it. but i'll have to reach it some day. that personal satisfaction. attainment. achievement.

i could say i have changed. but not that anyone in secondaryschool would notice. maybe my primary school friends would. like they always tell me. but i guess what's the point. i'm still myself. no matter how i change. for the better i hope.

notably some people i'd say did make my life more interesting. thank you.

the ultimate paradox of life is that you live to die. but it does make life more interesting don't you think.

2004-09-01T13:22:00.000+08:00

i love mason. he makes me so hot i cant stand it. i just got slapped.

2004-08-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

sigh. can't this term get any better now.

lost my walet not too long ago. my nice ashworth wallet. at least the guy who took it returned me my stuff. though my wallet and cash never came back. 50 bucks gone. oh well. not a very good turn of events to a horrendous week before.

results are back. what crap. i failed my english main paper. that's the worst thing that could ever happen. sigh. what the hell's wrong with me. i guess i'm not the only one who's thinking the same. sigh. everyone's probably screwed their CA up. not even a single A. gosh. this is a living nightmare. to fail english. and to make matters worse i failed both math. that's quite comforting isn't it. bah. and the rest are all Bs.

did work alone today. completed a hell lot of backlogged work. sigh. hope things get better somehow for me. not a very nice start to a week.

oh and happy birthday drea. sorry i can't get you anything yeah. really sorry.

let's hope this nightmare ends soon.

2004-08-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

my iPod is ALLIIIIVE. finally. it works. blah. got me so uptight about it. ah well. screw servicing. this iPod's still 'live and kickin'.

CA's started. about 2 days back. sigh. amath and physics tomorrow. the E8-ers and the F9-ers. at least it's not so bad i guess. shouldn't do THAT badly. i hope. social studies was killer. to the hand. wrote a hell lot. ahh everyone's desperate. english wasn't that bad i guess.....chinese. almost two whole sections blank. what more can i say? heh. go figure.

finally. after tomorrow i'll have a nice break. have a niiice gym sesh. with zhao and charles. lol. it's been awhile. then we'll probably go to town and just. chilllll.

starbucks rocks lah. best place to study lol. oh well.

3 more papers. c'mon shaun.

i'vebeenknockeddown/gotbackup/let'sstartfromthebeginning.

2004-07-25T14:15:00.000+08:00

talk about hot. literally. running a temperature now. bah. woke up at 4.50am just now writhing in agony. lol. maybe that's exaggerating it too much. but my perspiration was evident and i definitely felt like i was burning.

nationals coming to an end soon. just about 2 more days of events. talk about fast. i couldn't even contribute any points to the school. siiigh. guess there's next year.

blahblahblah. tay peck ling hates my guts now. haha. i haven't passed up my amath homework. oops. and many others. lol. wish me luck when i get back. i'll probably get screwed like nobody's business for homework.

damn. feever. hopefully it'll al be well before wednesday ah. heh. go get seats at the stadium at what, 5.30am? lol. nuts. camp there play cards lah. haha.

guitars rock. i want to play bass. hmmm. take a break from my electric guitar and try out bass heh. quite fun ah. maybe i'll try drums too. so funn. ah well.

i need a new game. or book. anything that can kill time for me. sigh. boredom kills. and i still feel quite sick. oh well.

tumdeedum.

2004-07-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

...frustration. garh. i hate it.

blood's boiling. and i'm not even sure what i'm so frustrated about.

some things really shouldn't be around me now.

iseei'mnotperfect/butthat'sallisee

2004-07-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

scold me for being lazy. i haven't updated in about. let's see....17 days. about two weeks. haha. ohwell.

school's started for about 2 weeks now. i don't really like my new timetable. ah well. the pe department is bias. bias bias bias. they probably hate me now. after my little camera incident. how stupid could i have been.

nothing much to say.

maybe feeling abit down. i don't know.

nationals coming up. just next week. gosh. that's fast. javelin b boys event 15th and 16th july. sigh. focus shaun focus.

still injured. how wonderful.

okayifeeldown.

2004-06-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

okay lah. blog lah blog lah. be nice to al those hoping for an update. lol.

i'm shacked. tired from training. my quads are tired lol. too much running and burpies. ah well. first cold day in a long time for training. i still got that irritating marks on my body. can't throw for nuts now because my back hurts. grr. back problem. hope i'm in time for nationals.

after training went to town with zhao. lol. we're both crazy lah. first go to fcuk in tangs. couldn't find what zhao wanted so we ended up going to paragon. lol. can die the prices. so ex. walked here and there. in the end we walked into ax and decided to get a long sleeved shirt each. haha. nice shirt ah zhao.

my mom's going to hongkong till saturday. ah well. i hope my dad agrees to go to ax with me one day. haha. happiness.

sigh.

2004-06-22T16:12:00.000+08:00

imbored.

2004-06-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

blah. i love shaunnnnnnn:)

that was not blogged by ME aka Shaun. but nevermind i'll still leave it there. lol.

2004-06-16T00:39:00.000+08:00

ahh. i'm tired. i think i walked too much today lol. oh well.

sigh. must be hard on roland. at least both roland and ronald are taking it quite well. cheer up yeah. it's probably kinda sudden but yeah. we're around to help one way or another. bytheway foryourinformation roland's father passed away on the 13thJune2004 due to a heart attack. sigh.

so i went to the wake this morning. with charles joel and ronghua. we reached here at say, 1115? around there. roland was okay. at least he seemed okay. still could smile. that's good. sat there and talked till about 2+ before leaving. oh i reached bedok station at about 10 lol. then waited in mcdonald's till the rest came. had both breakfast and lunch there. bah. fastfood. not healthy at all lol.

amazing. syen actually turned down an offer from charles and joel to go LAN gaming. gosh. that's like whoaaa. and he actually wanted to train hard today! wahhh. haha. man. i'm bad. oh well. left for town with ronghua but he was getting off at angmokio. going home. reached town at about 245. and i thought i was early for physiotherapy. THOUGHT. my appointment was supposed to be at 2 instead. -_-. so. oh well. had to wait till 3+ for my appointment. talked to the catholic high javelin thrower. haha. after my physio went to meet the rest of the guys. zhao pravind and cassidy. wasted a hell lot of time from 4+ - 7+ till we met weiting and michelle. haha. at taka. for dinner. supposed to eat at the fish nd co. near park mall haha. glasshouseee. ate at seoul garden instead. haha. no more 100dollar note =( lol =X

mylegsaretiredd. ah well. training at vjc tomorrow. FINALLY. proper track for our runup.

2004-06-09T10:36:00.000+08:00

slow morning. how boring. ah well. yesterday was bittersweet. things i'd love to remember mixed with reminiscent details i wish not to return. but i shan't go further into that.

so it was a normal day.

i'm not going for training today. sorry guys. i need a breather.

it's happening. i know it is. it's coming. and i so dread the arrival of it. why.

and that sorry bitch. if i ever see her presence. i swear i will not let her enjoy, enjoy the simplest of things. she'll suffer oh yes she will.

now what am i saying. hah. i'm just a child. i wouldn't know what to do.

sigh.

2004-06-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

yawn. boring holidays. lol. ah well.

festival of praise was great. lol. charles was abit. sore. in the thighs. aww. training too hard now are we. lol. -advertisment- sports injuries? common ailments? rare conditions? need a doctor? visit Chook Sports And Lifestyle Medical Centre! located at the hub of singapore's crowd, 4th floor of orchard building. -ad out- there we go. i hope you heed the advertisment charles lol. really hyped up the indoor stadium. people jumping people singing their hearts out.

what was i doing before that. hmm. was with hong xuan at starbucks aye. lol. apparently jc sucks. i don't know. i'll see where i want to go next time haha. then met charles and drea before waiting for her friend's parents who oh-so-graciously fetched us to the indoor stadium. lol. thank you =p.

the past 2 days have been soooo unbelievably boring i have nothing to blog about. so there we go. oh except on friday's training only 6 people turned up. and there were only 3 people taking part in nationals training that day. i think sng was pissed. lol. he concealed it well though. either that or he's not bothered. my back's still injured. what the hell's wrong i don't know. thankfully not a fracture. my dad's got kinda paranoid and sent me for an x-ray. ah well. muscle problem. cope with it.

nationals. 15th july. my event. oh what the heck. why the first day -_-.

foo fighters are good okay. the offspring was good. oh well.

did you know slipknot has one guy on stage with a baseball bat whose sole purpose is to use the bat to whack a metal oil barrell to provide sound? i didn't know that. oh well. weird band.

i got to eat at sydney's restaurant of the year during my trip. lol. rockpool.

2004-06-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

hmm. rather quiet isn't it. lol. anyway i'm back from sydney. safe and sound. in one piece. though i can't say much about the luggage. lol. handle broke off while i was pulling it to the cab. darn.

i shan't describe my whole trip since i'm particulary lazy now. lol. just highlight a few things about my trip here anyways.

stuff there are expensive. and i mean it. the aussie dollar's 1:1.2 compared to the singapore dollar. so yes. ch-ching. more cash needed. cab fares are WAAAAYYYY expensive. surf stuff too lol.

my dad bought a quiksilver pullover. whooaaaa. and he bought jeans. big whoaaaa. my mom bought a white roxy top. gosh. what's wrong with the world lol. proves shocking enough already.

i have one helluva funky sista. lol. nice billabong hat.

i'm tired. bug me to blog more next time lol.

2004-05-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

hmm. about 3 hours to my flight. and i'm still stoning at home.

what a way to spend an afternoon before your flight.

oh well. i'll be in sydney by tomorrow morning. sigh. i've mixed feelings here i don't know if i want to go or not. but all i know is that i'm dreading the flight now.

guess there's no turning back to what i accept.

nevermind. i'll just enjoy myself to the fullest there.

ohyeah. quiksilver ripcurl. and hopefully the guitars there are cheap. heh.

yaaawn. tired. apparently no one wants to entertain me.

2004-05-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

i think for the first time this whole year i've been more dao than ryan pak. lol.

damn i was so tired last night. dinner was great though. haha. sister's birthday.

today wasn't so bad. well maaaybe. save recess time and training.

recesstime-
oh it would've been quite a normal recess which everyone looks forward to if not fo the rgs psls that came today. sigh. usually given the nature of my personality that people have come to know i'd probably be nice and talk to them. by the very least say hi. but i guess i didn't want to anyway.

i did buy a ticket anyway. at least i asked charles to help me do it. though i'm not going. haha. i'm too nice =X

my back still hurts. ouch. not nice.

and the policeman that came to speak to us today has the same level of verbal expression as our OM mr chia. not very high i'd say. oh well. CID. haha. how amusing.

nationalllss. grr. why must my event be on the first day. traintraintrain.

2004-05-26T18:25:00.000+08:00

bahhh. injured again. bloody hell. got my back and my ankle. grr.

i think someone's angry with me. lol. or at least just ignoring me. either way it's still negative to me. so. damn.

let's see. results bad. L1R5 27. perfect. 5 point increase. oh well.

overall rating of today - bad.

actually it's not so bad. if darren and mr randell siow didn't sing so badly. lol. guitar skills were quite good but the singin was. how shall i say. abit off? oh well. looks like some time to go for them before singapore idol. haha.

oh oh oh and the vjc tsd one was nice. heh.

i'm sorry SAC. haha. looks like i won't be buying tickets.

and i'm sorry rgspsb and vspsb. can't make myself appear at carnival on saturday. hope you all have a great time yeah.

countdown - 3 days.

happy birthday sis. haha. as in my real sister.

OH and. congrats to drea, cheryl, rachel, xianhui and candice. for winning their talentime category. haha. not like they'll probably see this anyway. oh well. lol.

2004-05-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

i have tentatively screwed my bio paper. urgh. and i don't think i'm very happy about it. oh and i can't throw for nuts now. talk about pathetic day for the most of it. oh well.

2004-05-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

whoops. i think i forgot to mention about yesterday. ah well everything in one entry then.

let's seee. what did i do yesterday. oh yeah. TRAINING. damn. it was slack. so slack only the sec 4s turned up and me. 3 exercises 3 sets of 12. bahhh gym work. oh well. essential for the body and the strength. aaanyway reached school at 9 and trained till about 1030. got home, got bathed and changed as i was SUPPOSED to go to seoul garden for a treat. BUT some wisecrack cancelled it just as i was about to leave. so i went to eat the lunch that i forsook earlier on for my treat. AFTER my lunch they told me they were going -_-. urrrgh. so well. stayed at home in the end. mom picked me up later on to apply for an IC. quite fast i must say. not much for waiting. oh well. went home after that aaand yeah. slept. i believe i was reaaaally tired then. nothing much happened later so yes yes yes.

oh i never knew i was born in the afternoon. haha. at 4:23.

and we have today. one helluva boring day in some sense. in school slacked for about an hour plus or so before going for some science lesson at 930. lol. i was half an hour late. oh well. too addicted to watching derrick die in halo lol. imagine. 15 kills to none. haha. only about 1/3 of the class turned up for the stupid science lesson. bahh. the rest were having fun. some practical lesson where we had to obtain copper sulphate crystals. bah. quite fun actually lol. fwah i got A2 for chem. yeahhh. lol. after school left for town with charles zhaoyao and pravind. lol. OH YES salute pravind for his stunning bravery whereby he made fun of daniel and afiyah by song today. LOL. i'm not surprised if he gets whacked up. nevermind zhaoyao charles and me shall protect him AS LONG AS he apologizes to daniel. watched some...movie at 3:35. quite boring actually lol =X charles' idea there. after that i guess nothing much happened. dad picked me up and brought me home. oh there was something going on at town today. damn them lahh. block the whole area on the ground floor of lido. bah.

checkch-checkcheckcheckch-checkitout. lol.

2004-05-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

fwah. relief and joy incomprehensible. well i wouldn't have been so stressed today if they chose to return me my stuff back earlier. damn.

guess what we had today! CME paper. WHOAA that's so cool maaan. gosh. i swear i saw more than half the class sleeping. threequarts maybe. what questions do they ask? "Who celebrates the Dragonboat Festival?" like whoa. that's so damn cool. i didn't know who it was till i took....CME! farrell is noisy. he laughs too much at the paper. not the first time anyway -_-. after spending a week of examinations sitting next to him i finally know how much of a terror he is.

"ta ma de, na me rong yi!"
"wah cheeeeebye, na me nan zuo!"
*starts singing some chinese song*

just a few excerpts of verbal elucidations that escape from that mouth of his. i pity louis. lol. ah well.

after both CME and CL listening comprehension papers we decided to make our way to cineleisure. it's okay rodrick, there's always a first tiiime. lol. me, charles, zhaoyao, ronghua, desmond and changyi arrived there at about say 11? went to maaakan at long john silver's. saw a bunch of punks there again. lol. we're virtually invincible anyway considering the groups that were there. then charles went off alone to who-knows-where (actually heeren. HMV third floor. we just didn't see lol). shortly after me and zhaoyao followed suit and left long john silver's. oh yeah *cassidy joined the group shortly after. hmm i need to start enlarging my CD collection. maybe i'll buyyy...music as a weapon vol. 2. lol. hit 'em harrrrd. i just bought the beautiful letdown- switchfoot's latest. nice okayyyy. went to HMV and walked around abit looking for something nice to buy. then left for flash 'n' splash to look abit. joined up with charles and we waaatched van helsing! lol 2nd time already. still good anyway. after the movie desmond changyi and ronghua left. me cass zhao and charles went to first far east for awhiiile. then pacific plaza lastly borders where i left them for home. haha. and here i am now. oh well.

*and just to mention. after our CME paper zhaoyao held cassidy's arms, i spread his legs and charles sprayed abit of deoderant someplace eh. lol. anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASSIDY. haha. cheers.

2004-05-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

what a day. reallly hot man. haha. past few days have all been the sameee.

had a chinese paper today. lol. sure fail. hahaha. lasted an hour and a half. 930 and i'm left with nothing to do because nowhere's open so yeah. went back home with branson to pass him my hoobastank cd. the reaaaason. haha then we left for town at about 1245 and reached there at say...130? mmm. walked around with charles zhao and branson ate abit. chilled. hanged out. just a tad while before zhao and charles left leaving me and branson with the whole gang consisting offff...ben, louis, gary, aaron, derrick, yuan dern, dennis and farrell. haha. then they waaandered into the bowling alley. got fed up and left them haha. went to buy tickets instead. i'm so nice loh. lol. van helsing 4pm show. the show rocked alright. it rocked hard. it's about 2 hours i guess? i had to wait an hour for them before the movie because they went into the arcade and i was in uniform so yes. my own undoing. bleah. nevermind i shall be a good model student. lol.

left orchard and went toooo....the one and only place where you can see the sea near my house. yes yes. it was nice. i've had some soul searching to do i guess. oh well. stayed till quite late i guess? haha.

now here i am. bored. damn it was one helluva hot day. as in literally.

2004-05-16T18:17:00.000+08:00

lol. why am i typing in entries to someone's request. oh well here goes-

like your typical sunday for me. i woke up at 8 after sleeping at 345am last night lol. that was whoa. less than 5 hours of sleep. oh well. plopped back into bed and slept till 10 haha.

got up, got dressed and got out of the house tooooo.....akashi! in paragonn. lol. japanese food. haven't had that in quite awhile heh. my sister's crazy. gosh. she gets drunk over seaweed! lol she was crazy in the car that's all. after our brunch drove over to shaw centre's isetan. my mom and dad were nice enough to buy me some billabong stuff. lol. jeans, board shorts, shirts. the workss. my sister finally has her own sling bag. phew. my quiksilver one is far from her grasp now heh.

hmmm. last night's dinner was great. lol. well it was damn funny. and yeha i drank quite abit. haha. 6 glasses of wine, 1 alcoholic cocktail and 1 glass of champagne. haha. was still sober don't worry people. long dinner though 4+ hours. food was greaattt. heh.

anyway. what a hot day. lol. haaaaaawt.

ta-dahh.

2004-05-15T17:06:00.000+08:00

hmm. i've decided to make my own weblog this time. ah well.

oh well. quite an average day i guess. had a nice time at the beach yesterady. lol. stayed there till about 820? yeahhh. came back quite tired that night. blah.

my phone my phone my phone. bahh. it's almost a month now. heh. mondayyy. mother tongue paper 2 and i'm practically FREEE. and i can get my phone back and trade in for my nokiaa 6230. lol.

this layout's hot. lol. fireee. doesn't look so evident though. oh well.